


Gentleman

by Aida



Series: Kilbo: Fail-tastic [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AKA Kíli's a Curious Little Shit, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Don't ask me why, Humor, M/M, Music, My modern!Kíli has bad taste in music, Sexual Experimentation, Smut and Crack, bad music, really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/Aida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all Kíli's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gentleman

**Author's Note:**

> A fic I blame mostly on YouTube.
> 
> And HobbitFeels.
> 
> And my need for more Kilbo.
> 
> Plus a little headcannon exploration.
> 
> In other words: I can't write serious smut for shit, you guys.

It was all Kíli’s fault.

It had started innocently, or perhaps not-so-innocently enough, when the young man turned up at the little flat he shared with Bilbo all the while brandishing his mp3 device and a bag of carry-out from one of his favorite Italian places. The latter was something that guaranteed that there would be activities later (in the bedroom most likely, but sometimes they got too carried away to make it off the couch). The former, not so much.

It was then that Kíli divulged his little plan to “experiment”.

Thanks to an anonymous source (Bilbo could bet top dollar it was probably Kíli’s brother and his in-law), Kíli had learned that music before, during, and sometimes after could help with their experience. Set the mood, calm any anxieties and the like. Bilbo thought it was a load of bollocks, but then Kíli made _that_ face, said some magical, outright filthy words, and Bilbo finally relented, red as a tomato and stuffing his mouth full of carbonara. 

They had tried to experiment before. Not that their sex life was suffering in the slightest (Bilbo was often dead exhausted the morning after, yet still found the energy to bounce on his younger partner’s lap or pound him into the kitchen counter). But Kíli was naturally curious about anything and everything, and of course it bled into their private times. Bilbo didn’t mind most of the time (he did like the blindfold and the handcuffs), but other times the experiments outright killed the mood (he had to throw away his feather duster, and there were a few incredibly awkward visits to the emergency room). This time, it seemed harmless enough. At least, he hoped it was.

Italian night, after their little conversation, went on like it typically would. They drank wine, fed each other bits of food, talked about their day and each other in the usual besotted way that they would. Then Kíli fed Bilbo a cannoli, and said man decided to have some fun of his own, turning eating dessert into an act that was downright obscene. It led to what usually happened when Bilbo tried to seduce Kíli, a rare occurrence for the shy man. The younger man pounced, straddling his lap and practically mauling his face, and he returned the assault full force.

They eventually managed to stumble into the bedroom, stripping each other as they went until they had collapsed onto their bed, naked and writhing. After that, aside from Kíli running around naked as he put his mp3 device into the player they had in the room, things went like they usually did. Until the music started playing.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Bilbo had cried as saxophone blared through the speakers, Kíli snorting into his neck. “Did you actually put this playlist together?”

“I… might’ve had help.” Kíli muttered, laughing as Bilbo snorted. “Look, I promise you, the music _will_ get better.”

“Really?”

“You have my word.”

Bilbo sighed, staring up at his love’s smiling face, his eyes, dark and dancing with mirth. After a moment’s thought, he carded his fingers through the dark tresses that were already tangled, tugging lightly.

“Promise me that ‘Let’s Get It On’ isn’t on there.”

“Now, I can’t do that.”

They both laughed then, though Kíli’s laughter turned into a squeal as Bilbo flipped their positions. They still laughed, causing their lips to buzz as they kissed.

“Just for that, I’m topping tonight!”

“Not really punishment, love!”

From there, it seemed, the experiment seemed to work in their favor. As Bilbo lavished Kíli with attention and prepared him, he got swept away by both the music and his enthusiastically expressive lover. The music was slow, sensual, and though cheesy, it drove Bilbo on to take his time, riling Kíli up as he did so. Yes, there were the odd jabs here and there (“Fives songs, Bilbo, and you’re still haven’t got the lube out!”, “You don’t need to use a finger per track!”, “Oh, gods, _hurry_!”), they enjoyed each other. Bilbo enjoyed taking control, of making him dissolve into a babbling mess. And Kíli enjoyed letting Bilbo take care of him, trusting him to do so, though wishing he would just hurry it up.

Once Bilbo actually, _finally_ , penetrated his love, he decided to make a bit of a game out of it, using the tempo of the song to set the tempo of his thrusts. They varied from slow, deep grinds that earned deep moans and whimpers; to hard, fast pistoning that made Kíli sob and snarl. He eventually lost track on how many songs had played through, and Kíli was trembling with the force of his pleasure, cock slick and red, tears glistening at the edges of his eyes. He had been on the edge for what seemed like ages, and Bilbo decided that now was the perfect time to finish them off.

Then _it_ came on.

The last functioning part of Bilbo’s brain helped him remember when he last heard the song that had just started playing. Bofur had pulled it up on his computer, and he laughed at Bilbo’s reaction as he proclaimed how ridiculous it was. That bizarre song, and its equally bizarre video had burned itself into his brain, and it was now playing at the most inopportune moment.

Kíli looked no better. His eyes shot open and he flushed over something not involving pleasure in the slightest. He looked properly mortified, despite still being rock hard.

Bilbo couldn’t help it. He laughed.

It was a gut-wrenching laugh, shaking his entire body as he muffled his laughter into poor Kíli’s shoulder. Kíli seemed torn between amused and horrified as he swatted at his lover.

“Stop that! That’s not funny!” He wheezed, causing Bilbo to look at him. “I didn’t think I had it… I thought I had put it on a completely separate playlist!”

“Oh, _hell_.” Bilbo wheezed right back. “Kíli, you _actually_ own this song, and I didn’t even _know_ -!”

“It was a spur of the moment thing!” Kíli hissed. “I liked the beat, and it helps make work less boring!”

Bilbo snorted, causing Kíli to moan in his embarrassment, draping an arm over his eyes. 

“Oh… _god_ , how embarrassing!” He continued. “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?”

Bilbo had to admit that listening to the bizarre song did dampen the mood, but he was still as aroused as ever, and he didn’t even have to look to know that Kíli was as well. It was part sating lusts, part soothing embarrassment, that made him push Kíli’s arm away and lick into his mouth.

“Now, love…” He purred, and he saw how Kíli’s eyes darkened even more (the younger man always had a weakness for when he was trying to be seductive). “I wouldn’t say that.”

He watched as Kíli’s eyes widen as the horror of their situation dawned on him. Before he could cut in, though, Bilbo began to thrust again. He kept to the thumping, electronic beat with his hips, making sure to hitch them up just so with each thrust inward, assaulting that spot deep inside his love and making him see stars. Even without the music, Bilbo knew that this was the sort of rhythm that got Kíli off the most. It was hard and fast enough, plus with the extra snap that was added at every other moment, it was quickly sending him over the edge, and he couldn’t stop if he tried.

“No! _No_!” Kíli cried, wailing when Bilbo fisted his cock. “Bilbo, I-! Bilbo, I don’t want-! _Ah_ , I don’t want to _come_ to this-! This-!”

His protests faded into a glass-shattering scream as he came, clenching down on Bilbo’s cock as he continued to pound into him and streaking both their stomachs and chests with his seed. He had been so keyed up that some even hit his chin. Bilbo followed shortly thereafter, only thrusting a few more times before he bent over his sated love from the sheer force of his release. 

They laid there, panting, for what seemed like hours before Bilbo finally set out to cleaning them off. He wiped them both down with a rag, tossed the condom, and decided to leave the music player on for now, flopping carelessly next to Kíli, who was still dazed.

“ _Well_ …” Bilbo breathed out, Kíli grunting next to him. “That was an interesting experience.”

Kíli mindlessly swatted at him then, causing Bilbo to breathlessly giggle as he then pouted, turning around and draping himself over him. 

“I can’t believe you did that.” He grumped, though there wasn’t any heat in his voice. “I’ll never be able to listen to that song without getting hard again!”

“At least you can listen to it while I’m off on business.” Bilbo quipped playfully, even though he never travelled for his job. “When I’m in far-off lands, you can play this and think of me.”

There was only a single beat of silence before Kíli finally burst into laughter against him, and they both laughed then, bellies quaking against each other. Eventually they settled, and Kíli propped himself up on Bilbo’s chest to gaze down at him.

“So it wasn’t a complete failure on my part, then…?” He enquired, as he usually did after testing out one of his wild ideas.

“I do believe it was rather successful.” Bilbo replied, humming when Kíli kissed him happily. “We just need to be more mindful of what is exactly on that playlist.”

“Absolutely.” He breathed in response, and Bilbo giggled when he pecked little kisses along his face. “And you’ll help, of course.”

“I have no choice!” Bilbo giggled, tilting his head up when his kisses travelled lower. “Especially when something like this could happen again!”

As if on cue, the song had changed to yet another internet sensation. A ridiculously bubbly pop song that caused Bilbo to groan and Kíli to stiffen.

“Oh, love.” He breathed. “We’re going to need to talk about your taste in music. And _soon_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Which songs were they listening to? I say use your imagination. As for the one playing at the, ahem, "big crescendo", look at the title.


End file.
